i guess this is cool?

I’ve learned a lot about myself in these past two months. I’ve learned what it is like to start to love someone and get my heart ripped out. I’ll tell you I never want to go through it again but I know I can’t stop it. I’ll happen, you just have to realize you’re better then that person and what they lost is greater than yours. I’m a strong person and I’d never thought I’d be so weak. But I’m a fighter and learned I’m a lover. I’ll fight to get back up on my two feet and take the world on again. I have friends and family who stuck by me and I can’t tell them enough of how much I love them. Especially in the past two weeks. You live and learn and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

He will realize what he had and that was me. I’m not cocky but I’m a great catch and I know I can/will do better. I don’t regret it one bit because I’ve learned a lot. He had a good heart, but it is head that’s fucked up. I don’t hate him, I actually wish the best for him with everything. If he ever needed someone to talk to or a friend, I’ll be there because that is the type of person I am. Loyal, respectful, honest, loving, kind, and always a friend.

I dont think I’ve been so depressed in my life. With the last two years being shit for me with both of my grandparents who were more like parents passing, I’ve finally found a reason to smile and be happy the last two months. Yet once again with my shitty luck it came crashing down just last week. I dont know what to do with myself. I have no one here. My best friend lives in Philly and my cousin moved to Florida. My sad pathetic life, as I know it. I feel useless and unwanted. I know I’m still young and guys come and go but I thought this was really meant to be. This is why I don’t get emotionally involved bc I’m always let down. I have the worse luck with everything, ask anyone that knows me. I just want to be happy. How long can I be knocked down and trampled over for till I can lift myself up and start walking? I guess things happen for a reason, but i don’t know what the reason for this is. Maybe something better will come along? I don’t know, just got to try to keep my head up and look at the bright side of things.

to feel like you are waiting for something that may or may not happen? To try to have control over your feelings and to try to hold them back just so you possibly do not get hurt? We’ll the sad part is you cannot control your feelings; I wish I could because it sucks just to try to let two people who have a three year history play itself out when there is a slight possibility they could end up together again. He says how too much time has past between them and he doesn’t know if it could work out again. Yet he hates the unknown and since we are new I’m the unknown. He is afraid that it could fail since it is an unknown, yet what is life without taking risks and chances? I’m just trying my hardest to detach myself from my feelings and try to live a normal life. If it works out between us then it does, it was made to happen; if it doesn’t then I have to keep looking at the bright side. I was so happy for two months, knowing that someone could treat me well and hopefully I won’t be forever alone. Something good will come out of this, that is what I have to keep telling myself.

BUT I CAN FUCK YOU BETTAAAAA

 Why? Because it makes you attractive. It changes your mood. It relieves stress. And it helps you stay positive.